The Cause Of Doubt
by StarnightSam
Summary: What if Sam and Jack's conversation in Affinity had been different?


Title: The Cause of Doubt

By StarnightSam

June 11, 2009

Genre: Angst/Romance/Sort of Sappy! Jack and Sam

Word Count 2321- Complete-One Shot

Season Eight- tag to Affinity, slightly AU. (Cause you sure didn't see this in the series!)

_Summary: What if Sam and Jack's conversation had been different in Affinity?_

Disclaimer: Not mine of course! Other than this idea. No infringement intended. Nothing to do with Stargate or its characters belong to….well it ain't me! No money was gained or will be from this, it's just a way to pass time rather pleasantly. I hope you enjoy my sweet take on this scene from "Affinity." Thanks for reading! :D

**The Cause of Doubt**

The snap of the velvet box sounded like a P-90 piercing the air. Then Sam's heart felt each ripple of the sound waves as they flowed from the black velvet box hitting her desk. She could almost see ripples on a pond in her mind. It wasn't that the box was large enough to cause such an affect or that he intended to place it so forcefully on her desk. The desk pad and the pushiness of the velvet stopped most of the sound. But she saw his arm muscles flinch and caught the tightness of his jaw. It seemed she could feel each ripple of sound piercing like knives slicing into her heart, stabbing her each time filling her with a new pain.

She had been so caught up in her ponderings about Pete, Jack and the implication of accepting or rejecting the thing that was in the black velvet box that she had let her feelings show, maybe for the first time since Janet's death. Maybe fate had sent him here at this exact moment. She certainly had no intentions of seeking him out for his opinion or permission.

He'd had six months to let her know his feelings. That's how long it had been since she'd risked her life and career to get to Thor to unthaw him. But Jack never seemed to know what she put into saving his ass. And this was not the first time. Sure, she would have done the same to save Teal'c or Daniel, possibly anyone at the SGC. But with Jack it was different. She loved this man with all her heart and soul and couldn't tell him or show him. It seemed to her if he had ever had these same feeling for her that he sure didn't now.

But could she really marry another man?

"And?" He didn't look at her but she could feel the tension mounting between them. It seemed that the ripples of sound waves were reversing and closing in more and more around her, choking her.

"That was two weeks ago."

"Ah." He uttered and placed both hands on her desk. He needed the support because he wasn't sure he could stand here and listen to what she would say next. The only reason that he did was that the ring was still in the box, because every instinct he had was screaming run.

"You know, all these years I've been concentrating on work I just assumed that one day I'd.."

"Have a life," he softly finished her thought. She looked back at him eyes wide and expressing so much. Jack had always been able to read her and he was pretty sure what he saw now.

"Yeah," she answered, but it was her eyes that he was focused on, and it was her eyes that really answered him.

"Yeah," he said, but mostly to himself, because he was agreeing in silence. He had dreamed of that life too. Waited. Patiently. He still had no idea how much longer they'd have to fight this war, but he'd dreamed of the end for so long that he'd just taken for granted that the long awaited life would be for the two of them. Together. Now was she really about to marry another man? The fact that she was even considered it scared the hell out of him, not to mention the breaks cracking through his own heart.

"And now it comes down to it, I don't know. I mean every time we go through the gate we risk not coming back. Is it fair to put somebody else through that?"

He could tell that she was _really _considering the cop's proposal. He'd thought her relationship with the cop was only a passing thing, that Pete was someone to fill her time and give her the comfort that he could not. He loved her enough to let her have something he could not give her. He knew how much stress they went through, and now that she was the commander of her team, it was doubly hard. He had even less time to spend with his team and had never allowed himself to spend time alone with her.

He'd hoped that by ignoring her affair, that by giving her freedom, his one love would come back home to him at the right time. Maybe that hope was in vain. He knew all about biological clocks and women. He also knew Sam's exact age. Maybe she was feeling like she was running out of time. Could he really deny her the family that every one wants? Deserves? Maybe not.

"Pete is a cop, I think he could handle it." Just as always, he would try to give her what she wanted even if it was going to kill him.

"What about kids?" She couldn't believe he was encouraging her. Did he really not care if she married another man? Her heart was breaking, but her look said trump this.

"What about 'em?" Pain surged from his stomach. Was she really asking him to encourage her to have some other man's kids? Jack thought he might be sick before he could get out of her office.

"Do I take maternity leave and then come back? What'll I drop the baby off at day care on my way to some unexplored planet on the edge of the crab nebula?" She was getting mad. Anger flared her nose and eyes. Damn it Jack! She wanted to scream, don't you give a damn if I have Pete's baby?

He'd picked up on her emotions, was she seeking his opinion about Pete's kids or something else? So he answered in his most honest opinion. Jack had never been one to speak without thinking about every word, and now was not the time to start. "Carter, there are people on this base who have families."

His reply stopped her just long enough to catch her breath and really look at him. Her heart was hammering and her breathing was sharp. God how she loved him, wanted him. Did he really not care about her enough to stop her from marrying another man? He had stopped asking her to go fishing so long ago that maybe he had stopped caring. She had no way of knowing if he was in love with her or just loved her as she loved Daniel and Teal'c.

Was it possible that he'd stopped loving her? She had tried so long to get over him. Maybe he had been able to move on and this was his way of telling her. But she had to know before she tried to live out her life without her dreams of him in it.

Licking her lips and taking a deep breath before looking up at him, she bravely asked, "What about you?" The military masks that they both kept so tightly in place dropped away and there was nothing but honest emotion reflecting to him and back at her which gave her the confidence to continue, "If things had been different…" She wanted to say more, say everything she felt within her heart, but tears choked her words out and glazed her eyes before the words could make it from her usually intelligent brain to him. It took everything she had to stop her tears from falling. She looked back down at the box. She wanted to say what if it was your ring.

Jack didn't miss a single unspoken word. "I wouldn't be here," he softly answered. She snapped her head back up and their eyes locked.

Love poured from his eyes. He need not say more, she had her answer. But his eyes softly left hers and landed on the small black box. Hers followed as he slowly turned to walk out of the room. He knew he had to let her make this decision all by herself. He knew that he would wait as long as it took. He didn't have the power to leave her behind. If there was leaving to be done Sam would have to leave him.

He almost made it to the door when he heard her whisper, "Jack." He turned to look at her. She had failed her attempt to control the tears and they were streaming down her face. He could barely hear her voice as she whispered, "Did you ever love me or was it always just '_more than I'm suppose too'_." Her heart was pounding and the next few seconds felt like being caught in slow motion. The seconds it took for Jack to turn completely around and make it back to her desk turned into years. She felt as if she was watching him move inside a time bubble.

She felt his every step. She could see every muscle it took to turn his body around and start back toward her. She could count every breath he took; see his shirt sway as if the wind was blowing it. Yet her eyes never left his once his gaze locked onto hers. Time seemed to slow almost to a stop.

Jack slowly moved to her side of the desk and stood looking down at her. He gently wiped the tears. He softly took her hand in his and brought her fingers to his lips. He closed his eyes and placed feather kisses on her finger tips. He leaned over and slowly turned her chair to face him. He gently tilted her chin toward him. His face slowly invaded her personal space. She could barely breathe.

No spoken words past between them.

His lips lingered mere centimeters above hers. His breath filled her lungs and she thought she would implode from his scent alone. She could never remember being this close to his lips. Yet he still held back just enough that he didn't lose eye contact. He didn't know the right words to explain his love for her, but he knew he had to try or forever give her up.

She felt his lips as if they were soft pedals from her favorite red velvety rose but only for a second. He pulled back as softly as he'd touched his lips to hers. She felt the time bubble tightened around them leaving everything outside but the two of them.

He kissed her again so softly, too soft to really feel yet Sam's body was tingling and she felt as if she was floating. His lips brushed softly over her lips then he touched his forehead to hers. "It was never just '_more that I'm supposed too'_." This time he kissed her exposing every feeling he had, saying with his lips and tongue what his heart felt without the need for words.

He gently pulled her out of the chair and into his arms. He held her tightly against his body for several minutes his face finding the crook of her neck. They stood just holding each other for a long time then Jack pulled back and looked at her. "I'll always love you. I'll always be in love with you. But I can't ask you to put your life on hold when neither of us knows how long this war will be. You deserve a family, Sam. You deserve what I had. I can't take the possibility of you being a mother from you. Having Charlie was the most defining moment of my life. You deserve a family even if it's not with me." He pulled her back against him because he couldn't stand to look at her eyes any longer. He saw the sadness and pain that he felt in his own heart.

Sam knew that was all he would say. He was giving her way more than she would have ever believed possible. She turned her face into his neck kissing up and along his jaw line until she found his lips. She kissed him but not the sweet sensual kisses that he had used with her. Sam was hungry for this man and she poured herself into steaming passionate kisses. If this was all she was to have of him, she wanted as much as she could get.

After holding her breath as long as possible she pulled away from his mouth and let her eyes flow over his face. Up close and personal. The way she had only dreamed of seeing Jack O'Neill. "I love you too."

She knew he wouldn't stop her from marrying Pete nor would he ask her to wait until they could be together, but she had her answer. Jack was all she wanted. If they had to wait until they were too old to have children of their own, they still had Cass.

Jack kissed her one more time the way he'd wanted for so long then stepped back. "Guess I'd better go pull that security tape before someone else sees this." He took her fingers, brought them gently to his lips and kissed them one more time. He walked to the door and stopped to look back at her. He could taste the words, 'Give back the ring' but he would never say them. She was free to see Pete or not. He knew the truly wonderful part of true love was that it carried with it the freedom of choice. Even if the choice she made wasn't the one he'd want he would always be there for her in any way she would allow.

She watched the door long after he'd gone. Her heart was no longer heavy nor did doubt fill her soul. "I guess we'll make wonderful grandparents." Smiling she picked up the ring box. It no longer burned her fingers.

End.

Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.


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